Thursday, 9 October 2014

Improving Relationship with Surrogate Mother

A surrogate mother should be looked upon as person who is helping you bring a new life to earth, you child. . A surrogate and her family carry great respect for their intended parents and typically begin their long term relationship with high regard. Rather than considering surrogacy as purely a business arrangement, intended parents should try to build a relationship with the surrogate to make her journey beautiful. It represents an all-encompassing personal commitment on behalf of the fulfillment of one’s highest goals and family ideals.  

Remember your surrogate mother is in want of nothing more than to make you, the intended parent, happy and feeling good and secure about the choice they made in contracting with her to carry your baby.

The process of choosing surrogacy as a family building option as well as selecting and psychologically evaluating a surrogatecarrier are critical items that we know have come before in this process. The couple has major considerations that the surrogate ought to understand and value.  Increasing the understanding on both sides is the single most effective approach to work together with a strong level of success and satisfaction. Honest, consistent communication is necessary as the basis for a successful relationship. A surrogacy arrangement is a financially huge commitment.  Even so, it is important throughout the relationship, to show acts of kindness and thoughtfulness.

When you select a gestational surrogate to carry a baby on your behalf you are going to be forging a lifetime relationship. It’s important for you to think about the type of personal involvement you visualize with your surrogate mother – during the IVF cycle, throughout the pregnancy and of course after your baby is born and as your child grows older.

Sometimes, in this process is an understanding of the key emotional elements, intended parents overlooks the importance of a satisfying and positive surrogacy relationship.  The emotional commitment and willingness to accommodate to these important understandings are vital to the success ofthe surrogacy arrangement.  Therefore, they need to be addressed and reviewed at the very beginning of the decision making process when the expectations for the arrangement are being considered.

Exploring the long-term implications of surrogacy for each partner in the relationship and coming together on a decision to work together is the most important step.  Try to video chat with your surrogate to make her feel your concerns. Bring her a small gift, hug her, and send her a card. Let her know how appreciative of her you are. Its super important you are compatible with her and feel comfortable exchanging information and communicating with her.

Show your support. There is a lot of trust that goes into this process. You have to trust her regarding what she eats, how much she sleeps, her overall health, her ability to make her OB appointments and other medical testing that goes with pregnancy.

Respect the surrogate carrier’s schedule when planning medical appointments. Allow the carrier private time with the physician at a medical appointment. Remember that the woman carrying the pregnancy does so with the entire family supporting her commitment. Show trust that the surrogate carrier can make good choices regarding the pregnancy and consult with her when possible regarding ongoing decision making.

There would be no better way to build a successful relationship than to be attentive in this way. Kindness and thoughtfulness can be shown in small ways which carry meaningful feelings. 

Dr Neeraj Pahlajani

Obstetrician & IVF Specialist
(MS, DNB, FMAS, DRM - Germany)
MBBS - Lady Harding Medical College - New Delhi
MS - Obstetrics and Gynecology (PGI - Rohtak)
DNB - Obstetrics and Gynecology
FMAS - World Association of Laparoscopic Surgeons
DRM - Diploma in Reproductive Medicine (Germany)
Fellow in IVF & Embryology – (USA)
Pahlajani Test Tube Baby Centre
(Mata Laxmi Nursing Home)
Anupam Nagar, Near T.V. Tower, Raipur (Chhattisgarh) India
Phone:  +91- 771- 4052967, +91- 771- 4053285 Mobile:  +91-9770997645, +91- 9329630455
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